Revelation for a Blockhead

I had an interesting experience with revelation today.  For a few months, I've had some nagging issues so finally decided to go to the doctor and get evaluated.  As we discussed options, there were two very different classes of drugs that we could try.  As a pharmacist, I know quite a bit about drugs and made an educated choice for Option A.  As the day went on and I further considered risks vs benefits, likely side effects, and other factors, I started to feel uneasy about my choice.  But, the doctor had already sent the prescription to the pharmacy and I didn't want to bug the medical office by requesting Option B.  (Sheesh...stop being a people-pleaser to your own detriment!)  I still didn't feel good about it and the moment I got in my car to drive to the pharmacy, I had the thought of, "Don't do this.  It isn't worth it.  You know the side effect profile."  Again, I thought "It is such a hassle to change it."  (Although, really, it isn't!) and "It's just a few months trial and see how it goes."  (Why am I such a blockhead sometimes?)  When I got to the pharmacy, they explained that they had not received a prescription for me.  The light bulb finally turned on.  "Oh...I'm not supposed to take this medication."  I guess I'll "bug" the medical office tomorrow and request a prescription for Option B.

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking of the fact that I am allergic to a drug in the Option A Class.  My doctor and I discussed this and how I believe that it is probably an excipient (inactive ingredient) that I was allergic to and not the medication itself.   Besides, I know what to look for, (a progressively worsening rash) and to stop the medication if that happens.  The somewhat weird thing is that medication allergy is my only real allergy.  Cats make me sniffly and sometimes the seasons get me sneezing a little but as far as a true-blue allergy, that is the only one that I have.  Maybe that allergy was Heavenly Father's way to make sure that I never took that class of medications.  They main side effect issues are cardiovascular - stroke, pulmonary embolism, etc.  Maybe there are some other unknown factors in my life that would make me more susceptible to those and taking that medication would increase that risk.  Who knows if that's it but it is interesting to consider.  We know that Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways.

A Quick Thought: Educational Direction

We first moved to our current city when LJ was just a few months old.  I'm a bit of a planner so wanted to scope out school options.  (Doug may say that I get a bit obsessed with planning things out WAY in advance.)  It started innocently enough, just looking at college-going rates in the local schools, etc.  There are a plethora of charter schools here and within one subdivision there can easily be 4 different elementary schools that kids attend.  Based on the college statistics, the charters definitely seemed to be a better option but I still felt unsettled.

A few years later, I had a coworker whose kids attended a different type of private school.  (I'm not going to talk about it publicly for the sake of our family's privacy but, if you want to know, you can message me.)  The more I learned about the methods and curriculum, the more I wanted to know.  We ended up at a different school than my friend but a similar style.  As we learned more about the school, I started to feel settled.  However, it was not convenient - about 25 miles away - and it would really stretch our budget.  It felt right at the time so we started moving forward.

When we first started attending there, I remember having driven to the school then to work then to school then home and needing to go back to the school for a meeting after dinner.  I thought, "I must be crazy.  Why not just go to the public school down the street or the charter school less than a mile away?!?"  It wasn't a prayer, it was just a thought - a frustration at the end of along day.  Unexpectedly, the Spirit intervened.  I felt an impression that it wasn't crazy and it was exactly what needed to happen.  In the years since then, we have absolutely fallen in love with this school, it's faculty and staff and the ways it has benefited both boys.  The commute can still be frustrating - especially during the ridiculous winter we've had.  We are hoping to move in the somewhat foreseeable future (that isn't vague at all) and one of our key determinants of location is distance to the school.  (For me, when people ask about the idea of moving out of state, the school holds us here even more than the dread of taking another set of board exams.)

The other day, I had the opportunity to attend an informational session about their elementary programs.  Even though we wouldn't dream of leaving the school, with both boys there, that financial stretch has gotten a bit more painful.  As I listened to the presentation, I was grateful for a considerate Heavenly Father who again, without my specific request, gently let me know that this was in fact the right place for the boys.

I know Heavenly Father is involved in the intricacies of our lives.  I know that school choice can be a very big deal - it will shape and mold friendships and characteristics that have the potential to change lives.  I know that Heavenly Father loves my boys more than I do and he knows what is best for them - even which school they attend.  I appreciate him reminding me that He's in charge and that He's definitely right here with me and involved.

A Quick Thought: Our Song

"Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" has always held a special place in my heart.  If you can have an "our song" with deity, that is mine.  So many times, that song comes on and I immediately know how much I am loved and, frequently, revelation just starts to flow.  (Hmmm...maybe I should listen to it more often.)  There is a very distinct moment on my mission when it came on.  I vividly remember the way the leaves were blowing around the freeway as we got off on the Hopkins Road exit in Richmond, VA.  That morning, I'd been struggling to know where I should go and what I should do after my mission.  (You may recall that, when I decided to serve, I didn't have family support and I really didn't have a "home."  I hadn't lived where I grew up in over 7 years and would have no reason to go back to where I was living at the time in Rochester, NY.)  I wondered if I was a competent missionary and was doing what the Lord would have me do.  In that moment, listening to that song, I knew it would be ok and the spirit helped me to know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be - it had been foreseen, though not be me.  I was supposed to be in that green Chevy Malibu getting on Hopkins Road to visit Enrique and Suzy.  I had the thought, "Tell me, Lord, how could you have known for so long that I would be here in this place?  One year ago I wouldn't have guessed it and two years ago I knew nothing of the church."  The answer came, "Anne, I know you and I know your heart.  I knew that your heart would lead you to this place because it is where I need you to be.  I knew that you would make the choices that would allow you to become an instrument in my hands."

As we walked into church today, I saw my friend, Trina, and she had a copy of the music for this song in her hand.  With hope in my voice, I asked if she would be singing that song today.  She confirmed that she was.  I told her it was my favorite and I was excited to hear it and went and found my seat.

My boys were particularly cuddly today and were each trying to claim a spot leaning on me.  It felt good.  I felt loved.  We listened to the speakers and then Trina got up to sing.  As the music started, I was brought back to that moment in Virginia when my station in life, my path at the time and my competency in that path, was confirmed.  Lately, my friends, I'll be honest and say that I have really been struggling with feeling competent - at just about anything.  I've been feeling that everything I try seems to fail in one way or another and I've wondered if I am in the right place, if I am doing the right things, how I am blessed with these great little boys and an amazing husband that sometimes I take for granted, am I messing things up and limiting the progress of my kids by decisions I make.  But, sitting there today, listening to that familiar hymn and holding those two amazing boys, the Spirit washed over me.  Again, it let me know that I am exactly where I was supposed to be.  Again, it had been foreseen, though not by me.  Those boys need me as their mom - not any of the other "super mom" friends that I have.  Me.  They need me, my flaws and my awesome strengths to raise them to be what the Lord would have them be.  I am exactly where the Lord needs me right now.  And, oh how I needed that confirmation.

I am grateful for inspired musical numbers (even if she had just sung the same song a few months ago).  I am grateful for having an "Our Song" with the Holy Ghost.  Maybe I really should listen to it more often.

A Quick Thought: Changing Routes

Lately I spend a lot of time in the car - on average, 100-120 miles a day. (Yes, we need to move.) Being in the car is one of my least favorite places to be. This may sound contradictory to some of my habits in a past life. Before I was married, when I needed time to think or work out a problem, I used to go for (long) drives. I no longer do that. It isn't because I no longer have problems but because it isn't convenient to hop in the car and drive to Nephi and back at 1am. Nowadays, the number of minutes I spend in a car seems to directly correlate with the amount of stress I feel.  Every minute seems like wasted time that could be spent doing something more productive.  (If anyone has cures for that stress-inducing thought process, please share!)

This morning, we got out the door 5 minutes later than I'd wanted to. Usually, we go a more scenic route with seemingly more polite fellow travelers - (Shout out to Middleton!) - but the risk of getting stuck behind a tractor (as evidenced above). Since we were late, I felt we needed to take the faster route. However, as we went to turn on the road going that way, a school bus turned in front of us. And...that school bus stops at a stop with a lot of kids - at least 5 minutes stopped and backed up traffic with stressed out drivers in the aftermath. I screamed and slammed my hand on the steering wheel and decided to continue with the slower, more peaceful route but risking being late. (Remember, I'm stressed out...hence the extreme overreaction to something so trivial...and being late is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I get certifiably crazy about it.)

I cooled down after a couple of blocks and got to thinking, trying to find a silver lining.  I remembered back in high school, a friend talked about how sometimes the slow person driving in front of you may be a little divine intervention to slow you do and help you to avoid an accident or some other pitfall in your commute.  Maybe, just maybe, if we had gone that other route something bad would've happened - the sun glare was particularly bad this morning and that route definitely has more pull outs and merging traffic that can be difficult when you can't see.

Are there other times in life where we have a particular route in mind and then some deal-breaker appears.  And maybe that deal-breaker is a manner in which the spirit to works to "hedge up the way."  For example, you are pursuing a new job that seems perfect but then some detail comes out that there is just one little part of the schedule that will not work for your schedule.  No matter how you juggle or what you do, you can't get it to work and need to withdraw your application.  Maybe that job wasn't meant to be.  Or you want to have a baby but it isn't working out so you decide to pursue a residency, then after getting fully on board for that route, you find out that you are pregnant and you are so confused by all the re-direction in life.  I can't think of a personal example, but I'm certain this can happen with our kids and extracurricular activities.  It can be so frustrating to have to change directions but sometimes it is because it is what Heavenly Father would have us do.

As I was getting in the car (feeling late again) to go for school pick-up, I realized I wanted some "good" music rather than the mumbo jumbo on the radio.  My phone doesn't work on the aux jack and the iTouch wasn't charged and the iPod nano only had kid-friendly songs and biochemistry podcasts.  I decided it was worth the 45 seconds to run upstairs and grab a couple of Mercy River CDs.  The song "Blessings" came on and I realized that it went right along with what I was thinking about it.  This stressful and difficult time that we are going through is to help teach us some resilience and help us develop talents and traits that will continue to help us weather the storms of life.

Conference Answers

A couple of weeks ago, we heard one of my favorite songs from Scripture Scouts.  It is about imagining Christ as a child and his interactions with nature.  (You can listen to a clip of it here.)  I had heard it over and over again and never really paid attention.  Then, one day I listened to the lyrics and since then, I feel a little wave of the Holy Ghost almost every time.  I have mentioned to LJ previously about how I was able to the feel the Holy Ghost when I heard that song.  When we heard it a couple of weeks ago, he asked, "Do you feel the Spirit when you hear this song?"  I said that I did and I asked if he did.  He dejectedly said, "I don't ever feel it.  I don't know how."  My heart broke for him a little bit and I tried to explain that he has probably felt the Holy Ghost but just not been able to recognize it.  I explained that it isn't usually a big feeling but just loving thoughts and feeling happy and good.  That didn't seem to completely satisfy him and so we decided that, with General Conference coming up a couple of days later, we would pray for answers during General Conference.  I helped remind him to pray for that during his prayers.  (Random tangent - last night, he was helping The Lion with his prayers and included, "Thank you for the millions of aliens."  What?!?  Back to the more reverent thoughts...)  I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to help answer my boy's prayer and that he will learn to recognize and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

As conference weekend arrived, we headed to Twin Falls to be with family.  We talked about how we hoped we would receive answers to our questions about the Holy Ghost.  We didn't have to wait long.

The second speaker on Saturday morning, Sister Durham, who was released from the General Primary Presidency the following day, gave a talk entitled, "A Child's Guiding Gift."  It was a message for me.  In it, she explains how, as parents, we can teach our children to recognize the Holy Ghost, how to make our homes a place of an immersion program for the language of the Spirit, and how we can help our children understand the ways that the Spirit speaks to them.  She closed with this reassuring promise,  "We need not fear as we see our children enter the waters of life, for we have helped them rid themselves of worldly weight. We have taught them to live for the guiding gift of the Spirit. This gift will continue to lighten the weight they carry and lead them back to their heavenly home if they live for it and follow its promptings."  What encouragement!

To make sure we got the message, Elder Hales gave a talk on Sunday afternoon entitled, "The Holy Ghost."  He helped explain why I have a difficult time explaining to LJ how the Holy Ghost feels.  "Each of us may feel the influence of the Holy Ghost differently. His promptings will be felt in different degrees of intensity according to our individual needs and circumstances."  He goes on to list some personal examples of times that the Holy Ghost had a direct influence upon his actions and how those actions effected those around him.  He closes with, "To my own posterity and all within the sound of my voice, I offer my testimony of the personal revelation and constant flow of daily guidance, caution, encouragement, strength, spiritual cleansing, comfort, and peace that have come to our family through the Holy Ghost. Through the Holy Ghost, we experience “the multitude of [Christ’s] tender mercies” and miracles that do not cease."

I wanted to make sure that I took time to jot down this experience so that LJ could recall it.  He is still working on being able to recognize the Holy Ghost.  He's starting young so I'm sure he'll get it soon.  I am grateful that through the guided talks of these leaders, we were able to get answers to our questions and I felt the love of my Heavenly Father in his answering my pleadings to know how to help my child learn more about Him.  Just this evening, while driving home from work, I felt overburdened with the weight of trying to raise righteous boys.  I had the Holy Ghost impress upon my mind the scriptures, "Draw near unto me, and I will draw near unto you..." and "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."  I know that when we as parents strive to draw near unto the Savior that we need not fear our abilities as caretakers of the Lord's children.  He will draw near unto us and will guide us and direct us in this utmost important work.  I know that I can rely on the Holy Ghost to help me solidify answers to LJ's questions and grow his own testimony of the Holy Ghost.

Be Not Offended

There has been a recent media maelstrom about the LDS Church's new policy regarding children living with a parent in a same sex relationship.  (In short, it states that children living in a house with a same sex couple cannot become members of the church and/or receive a baby blessing.)  It has mostly blown over now so hopefully I do not ruffle any feathers.  I have waited to comment until the vitriolic comments had subsided a bit.  I have had a few people ask me my thoughts on the matter since, if anyone should be able to relate, it should be me.  I thought I would include them here so that, (someday), they will be printed off for my boys to have.  It may help them and, maybe, it will help you or someone you care about.

For those who are unaware, my parents divorced due to my mom starting a relationship with another woman.  Starting at age 7, I lived in a home with a same sex couple for the majority of the time until I left for college.  My mom had a few partners during that time and things were rocky throughout.  This was in the 80's and 90's in Northern Minnesota in a town of 8000 people.  My mom's choices did not make my middle school years any easier.  I've talked to her about it and she says she never felt judged but I definitely did.  One of the only places that I didn't feel like a second class citizen was at our Lutheran Church.  (Thank heavens for St. Andrew's!)  Most importantly, I had friends there that cared for me and smoothed the rocky road.  (Ice cream, anyone?)  Church and the friends I made there were my refuge.

That being said, I struggled when I first heard the new policy from the church I now am a part of and love so dearly.  At breakfast I had tears in my eyes as I told Doug, "That would have been me.  I would have been excluded!"

The whole drive to and from school drop off, (which is about an hour), I wrestled with it.  I thought of how important and valuable St. Andrew's was in saving me from the chaos surrounding me.  (Note:  I'm not saying every child with same sex parents/caregivers has sucky childhood or they need saving!  That was the case for me.)  I thought of how detrimental to those kids it could be if they weren't able to fully affiliate with the church.  Having people with high moral standards was vital to me making right choices throughout high school and college.  I hurt for those kids who wouldn't be able to have full affiliation with the church.

I should note that, never did my testimony of the truth of the church or the inspiration of its leaders ever waiver during this struggle.  When I first read it, I prayed about it and I knew it was right.  I just needed to find the right perspective.  As I wrestled during the drive, I prayed to find that perspective. By the time I had arrived at home, I still did not understand but I felt a calm reassurance that it was correct and answers would come in their time.

Within a day, there was an interview released with Elder Christofferson.  (It is included in the link at the top of this post.)  In it, he states,

It originates from a desire to protect children in their innocence and in their minority years. When, for example, there is the formal blessing and naming of a child in the Church, which happens when a child has parents who are members of the Church, it triggers a lot of things. First, a membership record for them. It triggers the assignment of visiting and home teachers. It triggers an expectation that they will be in Primary and the other Church organizations. And that is likely not going to be an appropriate thing in the home setting, in the family setting where they're living as children where their parents are a same-sex couple. We don't want there to be the conflicts that that would engender. We don't want the child to have to deal with issues that might arise where the parents feel one way and the expectations of the Church are very different.

Therein I had my answer.  Looking back to all of my experiences I'd had with St. Andrew's helping me during those formative years, that was a church environment that was very accepting of same sex couples.  What would the story have been if the church was not accepting of my mom's lifestyle?  What would that have done to an already strained mother-daughter relationship?  I knew that the new policy wasn't so much about the church denying blessings to children but about granting same sex couples autonomy from a church that teaches against their lifestyle.  I had found the perspective I needed.

Typing this, I feel like I should have some big closing or something but I don't.  That's really it.  I struggled.  I prayed.  I didn't waiver.  I prayed not to waiver.  I got an answer.  You can too.

I know that Heavenly Father and the Savior love us so much.  I know they want us to understand but I also know that sometimes we don't.  That's where faith comes in.  Faith to pray for answers.  Faith in your leaders.  Faith to move forward and be not offended.

A to B

The other night, I felt prompted to take a different route home from work.  I wasn't excited about the prompting because it meant my commute would be about 20 minutes longer.  However, I obliged (and later learned of an accident that had traffic at a standstill on the freeway).  As I was driving, "Come Thou  Fount of Every Blessing" played and the words, "Hither by thy help I come, And I hope by thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home."  How often in life, do we want to take the straight-shot A-to-B freeway route when Heavenly Father throws us a curve ball and makes us take backroads?  Sometimes those backroads have beautiful scenery and sometimes they are full of potholes and other obstacles.  That metaphor could go on and on (and it has).  I will allow you to get deeper into it if you like.  More importantly aside from the metaphorical scenery and the obstacles to overcome, it is only through following his guidance and those random promptings that we are able to "safely arrive at home."  I don't think I would have been involved in the accident but it definitely would've been frustrating to be stuck in a late night, hours long traffic jam after a long day at work.  Heavenly Father saved me a headache and taught me a lesson by prompting me to go a different way.

1 Nephi 15:24 Dodging vs Body Armor

First, I talk about American Ninja Warrior and now, we are on to body armor.  This blog is taking a violent turn.

I've been thinking a lot lately, (and may have done a post or two about this topic), about how the Holy Ghost is self-preserving.  It makes sure that you do things that keep you on the straight and narrow which, in turn, help keep it as your constant companion. 

In reading 1 Nephi 15:24, which is discussing the meaning of the Rod of Iron, "And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast to it, they would never perish; neither would the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction."

I don't like the idea of fiery darts flying at me physically and am grateful that the Holy Ghost can help me recognize the spiritual darts.  However, I think more often than not, the Holy Ghost is going to guide me to just stay out of the crossfire.  He's going to whisper little things like, "change the channel now", "not that movie...I don't care if it is PG13", "don't look in that direction", "read your scriptures", etc.  By whispering those little things, I don't even end up in the range of those fiery darts.  Instead of standing in the middle of a hailstorm of spirit-sucking terribleness and trying to withstand the darts with spiritual body armor, the spirit is going to do its best to keep me out of the way.  We'll just save the defensive functionality of the Armor of God to help those things that I can't control that come into my path.

Prompt Promptings

A few years ago, I met Jessica.  We first met at a little get together at a friend's house.  I remember her talking to me about her photography business and how she had a goal to make family photos affordable.  (If you are in the Boise area, check out her business page.  Her great newborn shots make me want to Benjamin-Button-ize my kids.  With 9 kids of her own, she does an amazing job with kids - she can even get my non-smiling boys to smile right at her.  She's magic!)

A few months later, we moved across town and ended up in the same ward (congregation) as her and her family.  However, she served in Primary (and I didn't) so I only ever saw glimpses of her in the hall.  I'd heard some more about her from my friend, Erin.  Our conversations would go something like this - I would say, "Oh really!  How did you know that Target does...(fill in the blank)?"  And Erin would respond, "Jessica."  Or, I would say, "Where did you find that?"  And Erin would say, "Oh, Jessica told me about this great deal at...."

I thought, "Sheesh...she is way too cool for me."  I figured she was a super-amazing supermom.  But I did still want to get to know her a better.  Besides, I was still working on making new friends since we had moved.  However, I didn't really have any reason to go talk to her about something.  I mentioned to Doug one day as we were pulling into church that I thought it would be cool to get to know her better.  A couple of days later, I was called in to meet with a member of the Bishopric.  Jessica was being called as the new Primary President and would like me to serve as one of her counselors.  I guess I had found my "in".  Our entire presidency became fast friends.  (As a bonus, her oldest has become my boys' favorite babysitter.)  For the record, it turns out she is a super-amazing supermom, but she is also a totally real and a totally tangible type of mom.

We've now been serving together for 2 and a half years.  That is a lot of church lessons that we have heard from one another.  One of my favorite "Jessica Sermons" is about a couple of promptings she received from the Holy Ghost and I asked if I could share it here.

Two of the most profound promptings I've had came within 24 hours of each other. My Dad was dying of cancer and I had been out to see him earlier in the day when the prompting came to go visit and sit with him again.  I was pregnant and tired and emotionally spent, but I decided to go anyways. I sat with him for an hour or so and just held his hand and felt his spirit.  I kissed his forehead before I left and felt grateful that I had spent that time with him.  

The next morning, I woke up and my plan was to clean the house really good and to go over to my parents later in the day.  The prompting came to take a shower and get dressed instead.  I ignored it and kept cleaning.  The prompting came again.  Again, I ignored it.  While I was cleaning, the call came that my Dad had no pulse and to come quickly to be with my mom.  

I was frantically trying to shower and to get the kids ready to get to my mom's house.  While I was in the shower the power went out and I didn't think anything of it until I tried to leave my house and realized the garage door opener doesn't work without power.  I ended up using the emergency release to get the door open but, when I went to close it after I got the car out, I discovered the manual lock didn't fit so I ended up pounding it with a hammer until it locked.  I was frantic and not really thinking straight and all I could think about was "Why didn't I just shower when I had that prompting!"  We would have been out of the house before the power even went out.

I'm so grateful that I listened to the first prompting because that was the last time I saw my Dad alive.  I learned a great lesson from not listening to the second prompting.  The outcome of that day would have been the same whether I listened or not.  My dad's time on earth was done, but my Father in Heaven was trying to make that hard day just a bit easier for me and I didn't let Him by ignoring that prompting.  

The other day I was watching a message from Ruth Todd at BYU Women's Conference.  The sound-byte that most resonated with me was, "We were not given the Holy Ghost 'just in case.'  He is there to guide us."  I feel that, at times, I struggle with making sure the Holy Ghost is in the driver's seat and not just my backup plan.  But, really, who else do I know that is more aware of the correct choices to make to lead to ultimate happiness.  I have found that with a number of friends, Jessica included, that if I ask advice about a parenting conundrum, they usually offer some advice but also mention that they have prayed to know what would work best for their child.  Sometimes I forget go to that ultimate source for advice before going to my friends.

Another lesson I was taught about the Spirit occurred as I was reading Doctrine and Covenants a couple of weeks ago.  I was sitting in the temple, waiting to meet Doug.  I had just been able to do some of the work for my grandmother and the spirit was strong.  Section 11 is one of my favorites.  I've read it hundreds of times but this time I noticed something new.  In verse 13, it states that not only does the Spirit enlighten your mind but it fills your soul with joy.  I don't think of myself as an angry or sad person but, really, who doesn't need more joy?  And it makes sense, doesn't it?  As we gain more of the Spirit in our lives, we gain a greater eternal perspective.  An eternal perspective, in turn, helps us face our daily and earthly challenges with optimism and faith in the future.

I am grateful for the Gift of the Holy Ghost and the joy it has brought to my life.  I am grateful for the direction it has provided even when I didn't necessarily know that I was being directed.  I am grateful to know that my boys will have that gift and influence in their life to guide and protect them and to give them joy.

In His Time

*This is just an excerpt out of my scripture journal so the formatting/tone is a little different than a usual post.*

I've been studying a bit about Nephi's faith and his willingness to follow the commandments of God.  Nephi’s response was the famous, “I will go, I will do…”  (I think a big difference here is that Nephi took this request to be a commandment of God while Laman and Lemuel seemed to think of it as a "chore" assigned to them from their dad.)  When looking at these scriptures, I wondered where his faith stemmed from.  (Probably good that I investigated a little bit because shortly thereafter, LJ wanted to know what made Nephi have faith while Laman and Lemuel did not.)  In 1 Nephi 2:19-22, Nephi receives an answer to his prayers that I feel really prepared him for what was to come.  It includes a promise that he shall prosper and be made a “ruler and a teacher over” his brothers.  

At this point in the story line, there is no record that Laman and Lemuel had been particularly aggressive towards Nephi.  They had murmured and such but had not plotted to kill their brother.  If I were Nephi, when receiving that revelation, I may have had the thought of, “Sheesh…thank you but my brothers aren’t all that bad.”  (Do you get what I am saying - like it was kindof an above and beyond revelation and I would wonder why it was so specific.)  And then, later, as they were beating me with a stick, that revelation would have provided some much needed comfort.  

I’ve had that happen to me where I’ve prayed about something and gotten a bit of revelation that didn’t seem to totally make sense and seemed more than what I had requested.  However, oftentimes those bits of revelation would come to my mind at a later date and make so much more sense or give much needed comfort.  Unfortunately, I cannot remember a specific instance and so I'll just leave this at that until I remember and can come back to it.

I think that brings another dimension to the idea that he answers our prayers in "his own time".  Sometimes he gives an answer right away but we are unable to interpret it or apply it until it becomes "expedient".  I guess herein lies the importance of documenting our answers so that we can review them when we have that inkling of a remembrance (something I am not-so-great at as evidenced by the fact that I can't look back to help me remember an example of this).  

  

Building Temples

Photo Credit

LJ's preschool is just a couple blocks from the Meridian, Idaho Temple.  There is a lot of construction going on and you can see a bit more of the structure now that the foundation is poured.  As we drove past today, a lane closure allowed us to stop right next to the temple site and look at all the construction equipment.

I always seem to have the talk "However Long and Hard the Road" by Elder Holland running in the background of my mind.  (If you have yet to follow any of my many admonitions to read it, I doubt you will today but the link is there for the linking.)  In it, he talks about the many trials faced while building the Salt Lake Temple.  I asked LJ today how long he thought it would take to build a temple if you didn't have a single tractor.  He said, "For - ev - er!"  (Think "The Sandlot" pronunciation.)

I did my best to tie it in to the 4 year-old version of this idea from Elder Holland's talk, "Blood, toil, tears, sweat.  The best things are always worth finishing.  'Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?' (1 Cor. 3:16).  Most assuredly you are.  As long and laborious as the effort may seem, please keep shaping and setting the stones that will make your accomplishment "a grand and imposing spectacle."  Take advantage of every opportunity to learn and grow.  Dream dreams and see visions.  Work toward their realization.  Wait patiently when you have no other choice.  Lean on your sword and rest awhile, but get up and fight again.  Perhaps you will not see the full meaning of your effort in your own lifetime.  But your children will, and your children's children will...You are laying the foundation of a great work - your own inestimable future.  'Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?'  I pray that you will know and that you will persevere, "however long and hard the road".

My elementary version was, "It takes a lot for us to become the person Heavenly Father knows we can become but he cares so much for us to become that person that he will work as hard as he can to make sure we have the opportunity to become that person.  Sometimes though, that means things are difficult and we have to work really hard to make the best of it."  Hopefully, the message got through - but if not, at least I wrote it down!

Alma 38:5 Faith vs. Fear

In my personal experience, scripture study is kind of like exercising in that the more you put into it the more you get out of it.  Lately, I am sorry to say that I haven't put much into it.  I have been horrible at setting time aside to study.  Yesterday morning, I was kneeling at my bedside to say my prayers before rushing off to try to get ahead of the day before the boys got ahead of me.  I tried to fulfill the letter-of-the-law by grabbing the scriptures, flipping them open, reading a single verse and calling it good.  I read Alma 38:5 which reads, "And now my son, Shiblon, I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."  As is usual with this type of scripture "study", I thought, "Oh, that's nice."  I went about on my merry way and had practically forgotten what I had read by the time I got to the bottom step.

A couple of hours later, I was getting ready to leave for work.  I knelt down to give LJ a hug and he jumped towards me, allowing his head to land a direct upward hit to my nose.  It was an instant-tears kind of blow and I doubled over on the ground.  As the tears started to flow, I realized I've been just too busy to cry and/or have had to be strong for everyone else for so long.  It dawned on me how long it had been since I'd had a good cry.  I wasn't sure if the tears were going to stop soon and I didn't want LJ to feel too bad about it so I quickly finished my goodbyes and went out to my car.  I knew I was going to have to pull it together before I got to work but told myself that I was allowed to cry and not feel I had to choke things back for anyone else's sake.  I decided that the 25-30 minutes once I got on the freeway would be time enough to hopefully get recomposed (and if not, I could blame my red nose on LJ).  That meant I had a good 5-10 minutes of "cry time" before I got to the freeway.  I remember distinctly having the thought, "I have a lot to smile about but I do have a couple of things to cry about."  I've had a few health issues as of late that have been a bit concerning but have yet to find a definitive diagnosis and it has scared me a lot.  (I had another doctor's appointment today which did include a nose exam after the blow yesterday.  However, again there were not any answers to the other issues and so I guess I will chalk it up to a bunch of fluke symptoms that will hopefully resolve themselves.)  Doug has to go out of town in a week and that scares me.  Turns out that I love my husband and I really hate when he is gone.  (See, I told you - if those are my biggest reasons to cry, life is pretty good.)

In the middle of my little pity party, I had my morning scripture come to my mind and thought about the phrase, "as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions..."  What comfort those words brought me as I finally stopped thinking, "I'm scared" and started thinking, "I trust in God".  The tears stopped before I even got to the freeway and throughout the rest of the day, I was given little promptings and thoughts that helped me to have that eternal perspective that increases faith and trust in God.  I was reminded that sometimes life isn't fair but eternity is most definitely in our favor when we do what is right.

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who helps me remember what my eternal destiny is.  I am grateful for the Holy Ghost working to help me remember a quick scripture read that morning.  I am grateful for my Savior who, through the atonement, has felt every insecurity and fear that I have felt and therefore, can comfort me in my tribulations and afflictions.

While looking a bit more into those verses, I came across this talk by Elder Ringwood.  I would just end up quoting it verbatim if I went into his subject and so I will just leave it to you.  It is short and sweet and to the point.  Give it a read if you have a minute.

Guest Post: Angels Round About Us

You probably remember the story of "Little Fighter Eli" and his amazing parents.  (If not, go here to see his story and see some pictures of sweet Eli.) In the introduction to a piece that Liz let me borrow from her blog, I stated, "As I read how this young mother endured the rollercoaster of doors seeming to open to a road of health, only to be closed in the most heartbreaking ways, I was awestruck by her faith and perspective."  Eli passed away in May of last year.  (Please keep all of them in your prayers as we approach May 25th.) 

I am so excited that Liz agreed to share some of her thoughts about eternal families for a guest post.  Even as I opened the email that had her post in it, I felt the spirit letting me know that what she said is true.  Her words reminded of something Elder Scott said when discussing the death of his wife, "First of all, ... I didn't lose her.  She's on the other side of the veil.  We've been sealed in that holy ordinance of the temple, and we'll be together forever.  And at critical times in my life when I need help, I can feel impressions come through the veil in such a real way that often I just [think,] 'Thank you, Jeanene.'" Liz shares a sweet testimony of this same thing and it is so reassuring to consider that aspect of the promise of eternal families.

From the time I was young, I vividly remember my parents and church leaders teaching me about eternal families and the wonderful blessing we have of living with our loved ones forever.  I always appreciated this magnificent gift but never realized how miraculous the Plan of Salvation is until Logan and I held our seemingly healthy baby in our arms for the first time.  Before Eli was born, I was told in a blessing that through our experiences of becoming parents, I would gain a greater understanding and love of the Plan of Salvation.  I quickly dismissed the thought that something might happen to Eli and convinced myself that the powerful emotions and feelings I experienced as I held my baby in my arms were giving me that great understanding of Heavenly Father’s divine plan. 

As Logan and I attempted to come to terms with Eli’s passing just 4 ½ months after he was born, I knew that the only thing keeping me afloat was my knowledge of where he had gone and the great reality that we would be given the opportunity to one day raise him.  As I allowed myself to step back and take a deep breath, I became aware that I was being taught certain truths that I desperately needed to know in order to find some measure of peace regarding our situation.

Just one week after Eli died, Logan and I found ourselves in the office of a member of the Stake Presidency having our temple recommends renewed.   Naturally, this sweet man asked me how I was doing and then shared what has now become my favorite piece of doctrine on eternal families.  He pointed out that when we think of our loved ones that have left us we often imagine them in some faraway place.  However, he reminded me that the spirit world, where Eli is now, is right here on Earth.  “Remember that he is not far from you.  He couldn’t be nearer to you and Logan or involved in your every day lives more than he is now.”  Oh, how I clung to that idea!  I was also told of a quote from an apostle who said that our loved ones who pass away are “far more interested” in us from the other side of the veil than they were while they were here because they have the ability to be.  The phrase seems cliché but Logan and I truly have a guardian angel.

When I muster the strength to see things from a much broader perspective, somehow everything that’s happened all feels right and seems to have played out just like I, (or my spirit), knew it would.  I am convinced that in the pre-existence we knew what we would experience during our lives and one reason we agreed to come is because of the people we would have by our side.  As I look back on my life before Eli was born, I know he helped me through things I could not have managed alone.  I obviously didn’t know it at the time but it’s clear to me now that he has always been near.  I would give anything to have him here today but I know I need him on the other side even more.  I know he can bless my life over there in ways he would not have been able to had he stayed here.     

While we often hear people describe babies or children that have passed on as “playing in the clouds” or “being held by Jesus”, I find great comfort in the doctrine that Eli is actually a mature, adult spirit right now.   I love reminiscing on memories of the adorable baby he was but I find just as much happiness imagining him in his prime, teaching the gospel, and performing all types of wonderful work.  We will get to hold him in our arms again but for now, I know he is often holding us.  

The Restoration Movie

Tonight, we watched "The Restoration" for FHE.  There are so many things I love about that movie.  I may even venture to say that it is my favorite movie.  (For contrast, the second place movie is "What's Up Doc?") Granted, the story of the First Vision always brings the Spirit but many of the reasons it is my favorite don't have much to do with story itself.

1.  It takes place in Palmyra.  I loved my time in Rochester and tonight I even whispered to Doug, "Sure you don't want to move there?"  (Then I considered how hard I've heard the NY pharmacy law board exam is and I changed my mind.)  Still, it is a beautiful part of the country and I have many fond memories of the area.  I frequently found solace in the forests and hills and gorges of the area.

2.  They were filming the movie right when I first moved to the area.  Therefore, there are a few familiar faces in the film.  (More on that later.)

3.  The film was released to DVD while I was on my mission and we were able to use it as a great missionary tool.  So, not only does it bring back great memories of being in Rochester and my time when I was just starting to grow my testimony, but also of my mission and all the testimony changes that occurred there.  I have so many memories of how I felt while watching the film with investigators.

4.  I love the little side-story of the Dad carving the little horse for his son.  I love that they tie it in with the scriptures to help us realize exactly what I stated in #4 - that Heavenly Father is aware of us and wants the best for us.  He will carve out the treasures of our lives.

5.  The first time I was watching it on my mission was during a bit of a difficult time.  I was struggling with feelings of frustration and inadequacy in sharing the gospel with my parents.  And I felt somewhat alone on my mission since I did not receive much support from them.  They did try by sending packages once and a while but didn't understand the concepts of weekly emails or letters.  Near the end of the film, (during the scene when they are passing the sacrament), my friend, Brother Molinari, is in the background.  You may recall that Brother Molinari was very influential in my decision to serve a mission.  He too left under similar circumstances in regards to family support and seeing just a glimpse of him in the film gave me a reassurance that Heavenly Father was fully aware of my trials and concerns and that He would provide supports and anchors for me.

I am grateful for such films and their ability to touch our minds and our hearts with the Spirit.  I am grateful for Joseph Smith and all that he endured to bring about the Restoration of the Gospel.  And I am grateful for a Master Architect at work to bring about the salvation of man.

Financial Hindsight

Yesterday Doug asked me, "How much money would you pay to meet me, knowing what you know now?"  I could tell from the look on his face that it was a loaded question.  I wanted to make sure I had the right answer.  I asked him if that included all that we had, the boys, my in-laws, my family.  He said, "Yes.  How much money would you pay 6 years ago to have what we have now?"  I got a little choked up thinking of the idea of not having what I have now and said, "Everything I had.  I would give everything I had."

Then, he asked me how much money I would pay to meet Jolene.  (I've stated previously, "When I got to college, I met the sister I'd never had.  Jolene has been my best friend ever since.  She is the friend that comes to visit when you have a baby.  She's the friend who, on days when I am particularly stressed out, Doug has even mentioned, "I think you need to talk to Jolene".  She helps me re-center and put things in perspective.  College is a very pivotal time in life and I was grateful for a friend who seemed to see everything the same way that I did.")  Jolene is a very important foundation in my life.  My response, "Everything I had - minus 100 dollars."

Meanwhile, I'm just itching to know where this is leading.  Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long.

He explained that he had been worried, (read: frustrated), by how much I have been stressing out about all my student loans.  He said that I just needed to re-frame it a bit and see it from the perspective of not only getting an education but also having important life experiences.  If I had not gone to the college I did, I never would have met Jolene and I seriously doubt there is a better person anywhere to be my best friend.  I just had to pay private college tuition for that opportunity.

I met Douglas because of pharmacy school.  Prior to taking the big entrance exam, I asked my singles ward bishop for a blessing.  In the blessing, he stated that my decision to go to pharmacy school would open many doors, including the door that would lead me to my eternal companion.  (Afterwards, he apologized, saying that especially with his current calling, he did not like mentioning such things in blessings but felt very strongly that it needed to be said.)  Sure enough, when I got into school, I moved to a different part of Salt Lake to decrease my commute time.  I met this amazing guy, (which I finally figured out 6 months after meeting him), and we got married.  Again, for the "discount price" of private graduate school tuition, I was given the opportunity to meet a life-changing, (or really an eternity-changing), friend.

Also, in pharmacy school, I found the graduate school version of Jolene in my friend, Sarah.  She has continued to be a support and anchor for me and I am so grateful for all the crazy study sessions we had.  I could not have made it through that 4 years without her.

To put it in terms of a popular credit card commercial:
Cost of private undergraduate education:  More than our car
Cost of private graduate education:  Equivalent to a house fancier than we can even imagine (with private tennis courts)
Cost of meeting friends that will change everything:  Priceless

My friend, Dianna, gave me a picture of us with a quote from C.S. Lewis that states, "In friendship...we think that we have chosen our peers.  In reality, a few years different in the date of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university over another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting --- Any of these chances might have kept us apart.  But for a Christian, there are strictly speaking, no chances.  A secret Master of Ceremonies has been at work.  Christ, who said to His Disciples, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you', can truly say to every group of Christian friends, (and I'd venture to say other friends as well), 'Ye have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another'.  The friendship is not a reward for discriminating and good taste in finding one another out.  It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of others."

I think of friends, old and new, and how many "coincidences" led to us meeting, and am amazed and how blessed I am.  I am so grateful for being placed in each others' paths.  (And I am grateful that they are worth more than gold because, sheesh, the ability to end up in their path certainly is costing a lot of gold.)

Trust, Agency & Leaving Space for the Spirit

I am in charge of Sharing Time in Primary this month.  The lesson from this past Sunday was quite sparse.  The topic was "I have a testimony that I am a child of God."  The manual's lesson plan included, "invite a few children and adults to share their testimonies..."  This left a lot of "up-in-the-air" time.

When I have taught in the adult classes in Relief Society and Sunday School, I always liked to leave a bunch of "room" in my lessons for the Spirit to direct me as well as class members.  I tend not to do that nearly as much in Primary and keep my hands on the reigns so we don't wander too far off the path.  Because of that, I was very nervous and hesitant to not try to find some sort of filler for the lesson this week.  I was reviewing my lesson before class and wondering what I should do.  The Spirit gently said, "Just trust me.  I will take care of it."  I couldn't help it; my knee-jerk response was, "You know these aren't ordinary Primary kids, right?  These are "week of Christmas" Primary kids."  Again, this time with some sternness, I felt, "Trust me."

I did.  I trusted.  It was an amazing lesson.  Both times, at the beginning, I was nervous again because the kids were really struggling to pay attention.  I thought it was going to be a train wreck and that we'd just end up having an extra-long singing time.  I was proven wrong.  I was touched by the sweet testimonies given by these wonderful little children of God.  I was amazed by their faith and by their conviction.  Any time I teach, my goal is for those in the class to feel the Spirit.  I have not felt that I have been extremely successful with that in Primary but today was different.  Everyone there felt the Spirit.  It had nothing to do with me, but instead with those hyped-up, Christmas break kids who happen to have stalwart and sure testimonies of their divine heritage.

It can be difficult to leave space for the Spirit, not only during formal teaching situations but also the less formal teaching that occurs in the home.  LJ has really been loving the book "The Christmas Train".  (Click the link to read a synopsis.)  From one perspective, it is a lesson about giving and not being selfish.  This year, I've been hearing the message from another perspective - as a parenting book.  Tommy's mom did a good thing by leaving space for the Spirit to teach Tommy the lesson.  If she had refused to let him even keep the extra car, he would not have learned much from the experience.  My boys are really young and it is already difficult to let them use their agency a bit and for me to have faith that they will be caught in the net of the Spirit.  I can imagine that will only get more difficult as they get older and are faced with much more difficult choices.  I hope that when those times come, the Spirit will reassure me by saying, "Trust me.  Remember that one time in Primary at Christmastime?  I got this."

However Long & Hard the Road

I am currently stuck in a trying situation.  I will avoid going into detail here but it is heartbreaking and frustrating.  On Thursday, it seemed there was going to be a door to open that would lead to an almost ideal situation and that door was not opened.  I cried harder than I have in a really long time when I heard the news.  It wasn't until then that I realized just how much I was hoping for a change.  After overcoming the initial disappointment, I was extremely frustrated.  I feel that my reasons to desire a change are very righteous ones and do not understand why the change would be delayed when it seems it is very easily something that could happen.

Last night, and again while driving to work today, I kept remembering two conversations I had with my mission president.  It was a similar situation.  I was in a difficult spot and felt that certainly, with all that was going on, that transfers would lead to a change for me.  They did not.  I was disappointed and frustrated.  In those instances, President Kirk told me, "Sister G, your day in the sun is coming...I know that this is a difficult situation for you but the Lord needs you here right now.  You have characteristics and attributes that those around you need to gain."

As those words continued to run through my mind, the answer was confirmed as the spirit whispered, "Anne, I love you and I believe in you.  I know you are frustrated and it doesn't seem to make sense to you that the change did not occur.  Please know that there is a reason.  I need you to remain in your current situation - not for you but for those around you.  You can be a force for good in their lives.  Will you please sacrifice your plan a bit longer so that I can use you for that purpose?  Your day in the sun is coming."

Well, that makes it a lot easier to continue on with the current situation.  (However, it still isn't "easy".)  The title of this post comes from a talk that is in my "Top 5 Talks that Continue to Change My Life" list.  It can be found here.  Just click it and turn it on in the background if you don't have time to give it your full attention.  I love it and used to listen to it once a month.  I may have to start doing that again to help as we continue on this current path.

My Conversion, Part 3: The Bit of Advice that Changed My Life

(For the record, I frequently use this bit of advice on many fronts in my decision making process.  Again, I am grateful for such an inspired friend.)

Since Lars had recently made the choice to be baptized while wondering how family and friends would respond, I decided to write him a letter voicing my concerns.  Following is an excerpt of how he responded.

If I were to tell you to go one specific direction or another in terms of your faith, I would be a little out of my element.  However, you’ve certainly entered God’s jurisdiction.  Anne, all I can tell you is that it appears as though your heart is in the right place, and when your heart is in the right place, God will lead you down the right path if you ask it of him through prayer.

I have a testimony that the decisions we often make, or the decisions we often feel are the right ones are usually the most difficult, or seem the least likely for us to prevail through.  But what you must remember is that God made a promise not to lead his children astray if they give their lives fully to him through trust in, and love for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  If you can testify that you are doing your best to show God you love Him, then He will make the decisions for you.  In other words, it’s not so much which decision you make that matters, it’s making a decision at all.  You will make a decision and I promise you that it will be what God wants you to do.  It will be part of his plan as long as you ask for his guidance.

Furthermore, if it’s answers you’re looking for, God will reveal them to you in the most spectacular ways…

I too now find myself at ends with what I might do, or where I might go next…All-in-all, I try not to look too far ahead these days.  I work on being the best person I can be in God’s eyes day by day, and just leave the rest up to God who holds my future in his hands.  I take care of myself by day, pray by morning and night, and God gives me the next day’s treasures.

So worry not my friend, let God do the worrying for you.  Take care of yourself first, and the rest will be given to you (life’s great rewards) when you least expect it.

His words helped me to realize that I needed to follow my heart and deal with everything else later.  At that point, I made the decision to let my heart lead the way and get baptized.  I just had to figure where and when.  This was going to be a bit complicated because I was moving within a matter of weeks and had to decide if I wanted to get baptized in Chicago or Minnesota.  Well, I was thinking it would be cool, no matter where I got baptized, if Lars could be the one to do it.  I asked the missionaries if that would be okay, and they were pretty excited about the idea.  This only added more confusion to the when and where because Lars was still in Utah and would potentially be driving back to Minnesota about the same time I was moving. 

First off, I had to ask Lars.  I gave him a call one night and asked him what he was up to.  He said he had been fasting and praying about what he should do next.  I told him that I had a short-term plan that I was hoping he could do.  I’m not sure if he knew what I was going to say at that point or not.  I said, “Well, I was thinking that it would be cool if this whole thing could be brought full circle and you could be the one to baptize me.”  There was silence for a few seconds, and I thought we had gotten disconnected for a moment.  Then he said (in perfect Minnesota fashion), “Really?!   Ohhhh…that would be grrreat!  Tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”  We then talked about the possible places to have it and when it would work best for each of us.  At this stage, we planned to have it in Minnesota, where Faye, a family friend of Lars’, could plan it all for some time at the beginning of April.  Within a few days, Lars found out he could get tickets to General Conference so he asked what I thought about maybe coming to Utah.  There was nothing special about having it in Minnesota because I didn’t think anyone I knew would go and I was open to anything.  He said he’d see what he could do.  We decided we would have the baptism in Utah on April 5 and go to General Conference on April 6. 

Everyone in Chicago was very excited but I felt bad that they wouldn’t be able to be there.  It dawned on us then that Elder Steoger’s family lived in Hooper, (which I still don’t say correctly), and could maybe come to the baptism which was going to be in Heber.  He gave me all of his family’s information so that I could contact them and he also wrote home to let them know I would be calling.

I finished up my discussions in Chicago, said my goodbyes to the members and missionaries of the Logan Square Ward, got all packed up and moved back to Minnesota.  I was at home for a few days before driving down to Minneapolis to catch a plane to Salt Lake on Thursday April 4.  At that point, I don’t think I had seen Lars in about 3 years.  

"Just One"

Last Sunday, Doug came to meet me in the Primary room after church.  Right as he walked in, he asked if LJ was with me.  He was not with me and the panic hit instantly.  I have often joked that if I was a super-hero, I'd be "Worst-Case Scenario Girl" but I had no idea how fast my superpower could work until just that moment when I thought of all of the horrible things that could happen to my little boy.  He could get outside and get hit by a car, he could fall in an irrigation ditch, or countless other things.  Doug handed me The Lion and ran back into the busy hallway to look for LJ.  Without any hesitation my heart offered up a prayer that my boy would remain safe and that I would know where to go to find him.  I considered going outside so that if he did happen to be in the parking lot, I could get to him quickly.  Since I did not have my phone, however, I felt a bit paralyzed because I had no way of letting Doug know that I was heading outside.  During my moment of hesitation, LJ came charging into the room with tears streaming down his cheeks.  (I hate that he was sad but I hope he gave himself a good scare.)  I knelt down and he gave me a big hug.  I am not sure if it was just by chance that he came into the room or if someone spotted him and brought him to me.  I sent a friend out to find Doug and let him know we were all together. 

I am sure that all parents understand the relief that flowed over me when I first spotted LJ after he was missing.  I thought of how relieved our Heavenly Father is when we choose to come back to him.  It also made me think of the parable of the lost sheep.  Previously, I have thought, would a shepherd really leave his 99 other sheep in order to seek out just one.  Is just one that valuable?  Thankfully, we don't need to have 100 children in order to gain a greater understanding of the value of "just one".  With his omniscience, I am sure that Heavenly Father doesn't freak out like I did when LJ disappeared, but I am certain that his gratitude is the similar to mine when I saw him walk through the door.

It reminds me of a story related to me while helping Connie Jean type her personal history.  When she was younger, she had been a young women's leader for a prominent church leader's daughter.  A few years later, Connie Jean and her husband had moved to Kanab, UT.  (For those unaware, Kanab is a very rural area.)  One day, the church leader and his family knocked on the door.  They had been in the area and the daughter wanted to visit Connie Jean.  Upon answering the door, Connie Jean said to the church leader, "How did you find me?  I didn't think the Lord could even knew where I was!"  He looked right into her eyes and said, "Connie Jean, the Lord always knows exactly where you are."  (He let that sink in and then, with his typical humor, he added that he had asked at the gas station where Connie Jean lived.)

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who is so aware, not only of where I am, but also of what I am going through emotionally, spiritually and physically.  I am grateful that his hand is "stretched out" constantly for me to receive aid in bearing my burdens.  I am grateful for that bit of understanding coming to me this week.  (And here's hoping that I got the lesson down now so LJ needn't ever run off again.)  I am grateful for the calm in the moment provided by the spirit and for LJ returning safely back.

Incessant Promptings

The following post was originally written in December 2008 -

I've really enjoyed our new ward (church congregation). It has been nice getting a chance to know a diverse group of people. I felt so inspired and uplifted by some of the folks that I decided to bring them some cookies this morning. It was a great reminder of how serving others makes you feel all warm inside.

One of the ladies that I've gotten to know quite well has pretty bad arthritis. A few weeks ago, I had a little prompting that I should ask her if she would like me to type up her memoir/journal/whatever-you-call-it. I thought, "That is a 'beyond-the-boundaries question". (Seriously...if someone asked me that, I would be a bit concerned - especially if it was someone I didn't know very well.) Well, the idea stuck with me and I really struggled to figure out the best way to bring it up. When I brought the cookies this morning, we ended up chatting a bit. I thought to myself "I'm not going to bring it up...it is just sounds too crazy". However, the prompting was persistent and so I said "I have kind of an odd question for you." She looked a bit concerned and said "Okay...". I asked her if she kept a journal or if she had a memoir or anything. She said that she had been a diligent journal writer since her teens and that she believed it to be important. She also mentioned that recently it had become less and less that she took time to write. With that, I had the thought, "See...she has a journal.  I've fulfilled my part of the prompting."  Quickly, a reprimanding spirit came upon me and I knew I needed to continue with following through on the prompting.  I explained that the reason I asked was that I had felt prompted to ask her if she would like help in typing up her history. She teared up a bit and said that she had been trying to figure out how to compile her journals and stories and put them on the computer. Her arthritis made it very difficult and painful to write or type and she had been praying for a way to make it work.  I finally understood what the spirit was trying to convey and the way in which I could be a ministering angel.  We made up a schedule and got started on our project right away.

On my mission, I was very good at following promptings - even if it made me feel a bit foolish. (Of course I spent the day knocking on random strangers' doors so my foolish threshold was quite different.) Since I've been home, I'm sorry to say that I feel I've been a bit lacking in this area. Hopefully this experience will help me to heed more of the promptings and in a more timely manner.

I was thinking of this experience earlier today and it is such a fond memory.  In following this prompting, which made me feel foolish, not only did I provide a service for someone but I made an amazing friend.  During our visits each week to type up her history, I came to know an absolutely amazing person.  When I brought Connie Jean cookies that first morning, I'd included a note that emphasized my admiration for her continued optimism - even through her difficulties with arthritis.  She gives my grandma a run for the money when it comes to having a fighting spirit.  I will always hold dear those memories of sitting at her computer on a Sunday afternoon while she told me about her life and I will draw upon her example of strength in the face of adversity for all my life.  You see, frequently the Lord doesn't just bless those we serve but those that do the serving seem to get a large portion of blessings as well.  I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows what we need and provides it for us (even though some times we need to get out of our comfort zone in order to get it).