Heavenly Job Chart

Dear LJ,

Yesterday morning, The Lion had meticulously set up a complicated game.  He proudly announced he was finished and wanted us to look at what he’d done.  Then, just to be mean, you came over, knocked it all down and stole a piece so that The Lion wouldn’t be able to set it up again.  The Lion screamed and you triumphantly shouted, “It’s my game!”

A few minutes later, we got in the car to go to school.  I reprimanded you severely and reminded you of answers you gave in FHE the night prior about the prophet asking us to be kind and how that is especially true in our family.  I wanted to make sure that you felt loved and appreciated and we talked a bit more about the following things but I wanted to record them here as well.

Buddy, I love you more than you can even understand and I want to keep you forever.  Do you get that?  I want us to be a forever family and even more, I want you to want that too.  Heavenly Father needs us, he needs you.  He doesn’t need just any 6-year old boy, he needs you.  There is a big, huge job chart in heaven and your name is all over it, kiddo.  You probably picked some of the jobs and you were probably assigned some others.  When I tell you not to do things or ask you to do other things, it isn’t to be mean to you or make it so you can’t have what you want.  I am trying to help you become the person Heavenly Father needs you to be, the person who can do those jobs and fulfill those callings.

I know that is true.  I know that Heavenly Father chose you for those jobs because of characteristics that you have.  Some of those characteristics push my buttons but I know they are there by design and are required for the obligations and opportunities you will have in this life.  You are an absolutely amazing young man and I know that you are going to do astounding things in this life.  You are ridiculously bright – absorbing all sorts of knowledge and retaining all the facts.  Even though you are only six (right now), you are one of the most altruistic people that I know.  Teachers and others have commented on your inherent ability to see ways to serve others before they even know they are needing help.  You are kind and sweet and, even at a young age, have an ability to recognize love languages and speak to people using theirs.  For example, in general, when Dad comes home he gets tackled by a tickle monster with a shout of “DAD!!!” but when I come home, I get a soft “Mama” and a gentle but tight hug.

I know that as you stay strong, this life will take you to great heights and make you an instrument in the hands of God.

I love you to the moon and back times infinity!

Love,

Mom

A Quick Thought: Phone Tag

I was missing Elder Scott a little during Conference this past weekend.  I listened to one of his talks this morning.  In it, he says, "Why does the Lord want us to pray to Him and to ask? Because that is how revelation is received."  That got me thinking a bit.

Two of my closest friends - other than Doug, I would say they are my best friends - rarely call me.  It is always me that needs to initiate contact.  And, usually, when I do call them, it isn't for me to be able to talk but is because I want to get their take on something or find out what is going on with them.  They almost always say something that "fills my cup."  If I don't reach out to them, I don't receive that boost, that "revelation" to help along my way.

In this metaphor, I'm not saying that Heavenly Father doesn't ever "call" us.  Of course he does when there is a message that we need.  (Now, do we answer the phone?  That's a whole different conversation.)  But, it is in our reaching out to him - putting some effort into it - that we get the extreme blessing of being able to get his take on things in our life.

As an aside, lately LJ has been talking about how he doesn't necessarily need to pray about what he grateful for because "Heavenly Father already knows."  I just thought of this so will have to bring it up - as parents, we know our kids are grateful for many things in our day to day life.  For example, we know they are grateful for dinner (at least if it is pizza or chicken nuggets and does not include a vegetable).  But, more than knowing, doesn't it mean a bit more when they actually say, "Thank you for dinner."

A Quick Thought: Changing Routes

Lately I spend a lot of time in the car - on average, 100-120 miles a day. (Yes, we need to move.) Being in the car is one of my least favorite places to be. This may sound contradictory to some of my habits in a past life. Before I was married, when I needed time to think or work out a problem, I used to go for (long) drives. I no longer do that. It isn't because I no longer have problems but because it isn't convenient to hop in the car and drive to Nephi and back at 1am. Nowadays, the number of minutes I spend in a car seems to directly correlate with the amount of stress I feel.  Every minute seems like wasted time that could be spent doing something more productive.  (If anyone has cures for that stress-inducing thought process, please share!)

This morning, we got out the door 5 minutes later than I'd wanted to. Usually, we go a more scenic route with seemingly more polite fellow travelers - (Shout out to Middleton!) - but the risk of getting stuck behind a tractor (as evidenced above). Since we were late, I felt we needed to take the faster route. However, as we went to turn on the road going that way, a school bus turned in front of us. And...that school bus stops at a stop with a lot of kids - at least 5 minutes stopped and backed up traffic with stressed out drivers in the aftermath. I screamed and slammed my hand on the steering wheel and decided to continue with the slower, more peaceful route but risking being late. (Remember, I'm stressed out...hence the extreme overreaction to something so trivial...and being late is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I get certifiably crazy about it.)

I cooled down after a couple of blocks and got to thinking, trying to find a silver lining.  I remembered back in high school, a friend talked about how sometimes the slow person driving in front of you may be a little divine intervention to slow you do and help you to avoid an accident or some other pitfall in your commute.  Maybe, just maybe, if we had gone that other route something bad would've happened - the sun glare was particularly bad this morning and that route definitely has more pull outs and merging traffic that can be difficult when you can't see.

Are there other times in life where we have a particular route in mind and then some deal-breaker appears.  And maybe that deal-breaker is a manner in which the spirit to works to "hedge up the way."  For example, you are pursuing a new job that seems perfect but then some detail comes out that there is just one little part of the schedule that will not work for your schedule.  No matter how you juggle or what you do, you can't get it to work and need to withdraw your application.  Maybe that job wasn't meant to be.  Or you want to have a baby but it isn't working out so you decide to pursue a residency, then after getting fully on board for that route, you find out that you are pregnant and you are so confused by all the re-direction in life.  I can't think of a personal example, but I'm certain this can happen with our kids and extracurricular activities.  It can be so frustrating to have to change directions but sometimes it is because it is what Heavenly Father would have us do.

As I was getting in the car (feeling late again) to go for school pick-up, I realized I wanted some "good" music rather than the mumbo jumbo on the radio.  My phone doesn't work on the aux jack and the iTouch wasn't charged and the iPod nano only had kid-friendly songs and biochemistry podcasts.  I decided it was worth the 45 seconds to run upstairs and grab a couple of Mercy River CDs.  The song "Blessings" came on and I realized that it went right along with what I was thinking about it.  This stressful and difficult time that we are going through is to help teach us some resilience and help us develop talents and traits that will continue to help us weather the storms of life.

Training Wheels

All summer LJ has been cruising around on his bike with one (squeaky) training wheel.  Aside from alerting everyone that he is coming, the squeaky wheel has been a convenient way for him to practice not having the wheel touch the ground and balancing with it up off the ground.  I was telling him today that I thought he was ready to just take the training wheel off but he was hesitant.  Then, while trying to jump over a 4x4 piece of wood, he knocked the training wheel up and didn't notice at first. Again, I asked about taking the wheel off and he said, "Just let me practice a bit more."

I let him practice and then said, "Wouldn't it be a neat surprise for Dad if, when he got home, you were cruising around without your training wheel!?"  He agreed. As we were taking the training wheel off, he kept saying, "Dad is going to be so proud of me!"

We removed the wheel and he took off down the street saying, "I've got this!" I ran into the house to grab the camera. By the time I got back out, I couldn't spot him but saw The Lion stopped near the fire hydrant.  I took a few more steps and saw him sprawled on the sidewalk with the bike on top of him. He rolled over and looked at me.  Then, he smiled, waved and said, "I'm alright. I've got this!"  He got up and started racing up and down the street again. Ever since he was a toddler, his resilience has inspired me. He is such a tough kid! There was another fall but he popped right back up, dusted off his pants and started going again. "Mom, I'm doing it! Dad is going to be so surprised! Mom, I can even do sharp turns! Watch!" He mastered it so fast! I was so proud of him.

(For the sake of the grandparents, I feel the need to preface this next paragraph with the statement that nothing bad/permanent happened.)

Remember the aforementioned piece of wood that knocked the training wheel up? It is opposite the mailbox and so, when avoiding the mailbox, it is easy to hit the piece of wood. He did just that and fell hard, smashing his leg and ribs between the wood and his bike. He didn't wave and smile and pop right back up. I walked over and asked if he was ok. He winced and said, "Yea...I got my leg stuck for a minute but I'm alright." He started walking around a bit and you could tell the leg hurt. He explained that he wanted to take a break for a little bit but definitely wanted to show Dad his new skills when Dad got home.  Sure enough, Doug hadn't even gotten into the garage and LJ was jumping out the door to strap on his helmet and get going.

We were both so proud of him as he cruised up and down the street. Thinking back on it this evening, I was surprised when I realized that I was most proud of him for getting back up each time he fell down. I can't help but wonder if it is the same with our Heavenly Parents. I know they are happy with us when we are "cruising along" and progressing but is it a stronger happiness when we get back up after getting knocked down? During those times that our spiritual training wheels have been taken away - a new calling, a new job, an unexpected move, a faith-shaking trial - do we get a little "You've got this!" message that helps us to believe "I've got this! I'm doing it!"? Sometimes we do and sometimes I think we don't - we have to forge ahead and find strength on our own. But, I think that is part of the "no training wheels" spiritual learning process.

I'm Not Ignoring You

The Lion is sick right now.  Nothing serious but he has a fever and some patches of hives.  (If it is serious, and I'm oblivious, and you know better, let me know!)  The itchy hives are making it tough for him to sleep.  We were up quite a bit with him last night and he's been whimpering a lot tonight already.  Last night, I tried to get him to sleep on the couch with me.  I thought, "He's so clingy that maybe if I get him to just snuggle, he'll calm down and fall asleep."  Poor guy did not stop moving!  He was just rubbing his feet together, trying to scratch the hives on his ankles.  I finally gave up and decided to put him back in bed, knowing that being with me wasn't helping him sleep and he would hopefully be better off in his own bed.  Having learned my lesson last night, the plan for tonight is to just let him be, to let him get over it and go back to sleep on his own because my intervention only proves a distraction and doesn't help him get to sleep.

However, in his mind, I am certain, he is saying "Dudes!  I don't feel good!  Why is no one coming to hug me when I'm sad!? ... ... ... Hello!?  Is anyone there?  Does someone care about me?  ... ... ... I don't feel good!"

How often have we been in a similar situation with our Heavenly Father?  I imagine it a bit like trying to wave down a rescue plane.

Photo credit

We are struggling and having this horrible trial and we want out.  We are ready to be done, or at the very least, we are ready for someone to hear of our tribulation.  But no answer comes.  We feel we aren't being heard.

Trust me - I hear The Lion.  The reason I got up with him last night is because I have a hard time sleeping when he is sick.  I'm listening with bated breath to every whimper, every cough and every cry.  I wish I could just cuddle him all night and keep him safe but I know, in the current situation, that wouldn't help.  I long to help him and fix everything for him.  Are these not the feelings of our Heavenly Father?  I am pretty certain that every prayer is heard.  I am pretty certain He listens harder when we are struggling, just as I do when my kids aren't feeling well.  Sometimes, however, an immediate answer or a swift rescue is not what is expedient for our benefit and the larger plan.  I saw heard a quote this evening from Elder Scott in the October 1995 General Conference that says, "Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly.  They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed [emphasis added] for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."  That is definitely more generous than what I do as a parent but the point is there.  I never want my children to go through difficulty or struggles unless there is a purpose behind it.

In an amazing talk called Bread or Stones: Understanding the God We Pray to, S. Michael Wilcox discusses the idea of a "fourth watch God" in regards to Mark, Chapter 6.  He talks about how it is not until the 4th watch (from 3am to sunrise) is when Jesus finally came to help the apostles who, for hours, had been struggling to row against the wind.  He says, "So when the trials aren't over and the blessings don't come, don't assume that He is not there, or He is not listening, or He doesn't care, or you're not worthy.  Always assume you have not yet reached the fourth watch."  He goes on to explain, what to do if you feel as if you are in the 9th watch.  It is truly fantastic talk.  Take a minute, or more like 5 minutes, to read it.  I promise you will feel something that will give you hope, no matter what your trial may be.  Maybe I should read it to The Lion.

In the meantime, I am going to call it a night while The Lion is quiet because he may become a fourth watch need-more-medicine-in-order-to-sleep kiddo.

One last thing, whatever your trial or your struggle may be - say a prayer to your God asking him how he feels about you.  The answer with give you hope and strength to get through this next watch.

God First Loved Us

I was thinking the other day about how we love God because he first loved us.  I thought about how, as parents, we first love our own children.  My friend, Lyndsay, has a multitude of great posts about motherhood but this one came to mind in regards to this topic.  I appreciate that she talks about how in the instant you decide to enter into parenthood, your life changes.  I know that I loved my boys from the moment Doug and I decided we wanted to be parents.  I had no idea how much I could love someone I had never met.

When the boys were born, of course, I was filled with love for them.  But that love had been in a desire to love them for much longer.  During the months of negative pregnancy tests, I loved them and desired to raise them and protect them.  Without getting into too deep of doctrine, it is safe to say that I definitely loved my children before they loved me.

And I think they love me because I first loved them.  When you love someone, you desire to serve them.  It's pretty easy to find ways to serve a newborn or, really, any age of child.  And, as our children grow, and they better understand their love for us, they desire to serve us.  I need to be better about finding ways to allow my children to serve me.  When I don't, they demonstrate love in running jump-kick tackles.  (Honestly, LJ did that the other day and I told him we had to stop before someone got hurt.  He said, "Let's see who gets hurt first!"  Good grief!)

Seriously, what are ways you allow your children to serve you?  Help me out here before someone gets hurt.

Guest Post: Lending My Son to the Lord

I feel so honored to have had so many amazing guest posts lately!  This one is from Trina over at Tidbits From Trina.  (And you can find her on facebook too!)  I love her amazing ability to find gospel lessons in everyday life.  When we first moved into our current ward, she taught the Sunday School class and I don't think she will know how many lives she blessed through that calling.  Her missionary doors are about to rotate as her son comes home and her daughter goes out.  Gratefully, we get to read some of her thoughts about being a Missionary Mom.  This post has already changed my life.  Pay attention to the part about prayer and it may change yours too.  I also love the extrapolation of Hannah's story.  I got a bit choked up while thinking of Trina's words while looking at the image of Hannah and Samuel.

One of my favorite scripture stories is of Hannah and Samuel.  The faithfulness, gratitude and honesty she showed the Lord by giving her son to him is astounding, especially when you consider the story that brought them to that point.  Imagine the emotions she must have felt when she took her sweet boy, just weaned, to the priest, Eli, to be raised unto the Lord.  Her sacrifice is among some of the greatest.  I've come to really love Hannah over the past two years.  Although the magnitude of our sacrifices is different I've drawn relation and comfort from her experience and her spirit. 

I always knew my son, Kalten, would serve a mission.  From the time he was small it was his chief goal. He never could decide “what he wanted to be when he grew up” as long as he was a missionary first.  When he was in junior high he made two goals.  The first was to serve a mission.   The second was to not kiss a girl to ensure he went on a mission.  I had nineteen years to enjoy him and prepare myself to send him off for two years.  Hannah only had a few years, probably 2-3 before sending him off for the rest of his life. 

I remember the day we dropped him off at the Missionary Training Center.  Many tears were shed and I just kept wanting one more hug.  In case you’re wondering, you can’t get enough hugs to last two years.  It just doesn't work.  I’m sure there were many tears shed by Hannah the day she dropped her son off at his training center (the temple).  When I dropped off my missionary I felt many conflicting emotions.  I was depressed and excited and sad and happy all at the same time.  I've had periods of mourning and depression-feelings I’d never thought I’d experience in regard to sending him on a mission.  I've cried because I miss my boy.  I've longed for the sight of his face, the sound of his voice, even the embarrassment he was so flawless at providing me.  But the greatest, most prevalent feeling I've had because of his missionary service has been pure joy.   It’s in these moments of such joy that it’s all been worth it.

I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that in the scriptural account right after Hannah leaves Samuel with Eli, she sings praises to the Lord.  She too, felt that eternal joy of knowing her child is a servant of the Lord.  Hannah’s psalm is beautiful.  In it she recognizes the power, strength and goodness of the God her son will serve.  1 Samuel 2:1-10 starts with these words, “And Hannah prayed and said, My heart rejoiceth in the Lord, mine horn is exalted in the Lord, my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies; because I rejoice in thy salvation.”  Hannah uses a term that I love.  “…I have lent him to the Lord.”  You might think this is opposite what we've been taught, that our children are on loan from our Heavenly Father, to us, to raise in righteousness so that they can return to Him.  I agree with that too, in fact both are correct and they don’t contradict but stand together.  I believe Hannah understood very well the concept that we could be together again as families and that this was part of the road that she needed to travel to ensure she could be with her son again.  In a sense, God loaned Samuel to her, she loaned him back to the Lord, and therefore they will both get him in the next life.  What an example of giving all that we have for the Lord’s purposes. 

Because of Hannah’s great sacrifice she received blessings.  One of the obvious is that her son was raised up to be a prophet.  Another is the children she was blessed with-another three sons and two daughters.  I have no doubt that this was one of her favorite blessings.  Hannah had wanted to be a mother more than anything.  Principally, it was her pleading for a child that set this story in motion. 

For This Child I Prayed by Elspeth Young

The blessings we've received have been tremendous.   Hannah’s story is one of them as you can see but there are others, many others.  Let me share a few.

Kalten’s safety  was a huge concern of this worrywart mom.  President Gabrielson shared a scripture with me the night Kalten was set apart as a missionary.  D&C 84:88  And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face.  I will be on your right hand and on your left and my spirit shall be on your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up.   – Now that’s a blessing!  For me and my son.

We’ve been blessed financially.  Even though we've had hours and benefits cut we've made it through and no one has starved to death.  In fact, we've been overwhelmed at the generosity by some very sweet “helpers” who've contributed to Kalten’s mission.  One amazing donation from an anonymous person has been overwhelming and such a blessing when we really needed it.  I’ll never forget that.

Kalten has become quite tidy from what I understand.  He loves to clean and he expects a certain level of tidiness from his companions.  He’s asked for cleaning tips even!  Something I never expected from one of my sons!  Moms, tell me you wouldn't love that!

Elder Browning is so much closer to the Lord, it’s evident in the emails he sends as well as the calls we get from people in Ohio who come in contact with him and want to just tell us what an awesome son we have.  What rewarding calls and what a reward for this mom to know that her son has a personal relationship with God.  Mosiah 5:13 says, “For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?”  Serving a mission has truly helped him to get to know the Lord.  He is about the Lord’s business.  It’s been his only focus for almost two years.  He depends on the Lord for, well, everything.  He knows the Lord!

He LOVES to learn and study.  He often tells us a new way he’s studying.  Most recently he’s copying down the Book of Mormon, word for word and writing down his thoughts and related scriptures as he does.  He has developed a great work ethic and wonderful habits that he’ll carry into the next chapters of his life. 

We are so much better at FHE.  We aren't perfect but we do better than we ever have before.  It’s easier than it used to be.  And we have more lessons instead of just family activities.  There’s a greater balance and our family is better for it.

Our girls are also developing better relationships with God.  They are each so much more focused on Him and what he wants.  Two of them have decided to also serve missions and our third daughter is considering it.  Whatever is decided, each of our girls is developing into wonderful young daughters of God which thrills this mom.

I feel like a successful mom.  This is a real blessing for me.  I went through a frustrating time where I felt I haven’t been what I should be as a mom.  I’m realizing that I've done a great job.  The Lord has helped me feel peace that I didn’t have until Kalten was into his mission.  Peace of mind is a godsend.

Each contact is a blessing.  I feel so blessed to have access to technology that keeps us in touch.  It’s a rule that each missionary writes home.  Kalten has not only been great at this but perfect.  A few times I didn't receive anything then later found it in my spam folder.  I LOVE to live in a time when communication like this is possible.  I feel for those who served 100 years ago, who’d go months or even years without hearing from their loved ones.  Hannah saw her son one time each year when she and her family went to the temple to make their sacrifice.  We've had the privilege of 5 calls from our missionary.  The first was the day he flew from the MTC to Ohio.  We also received calls on Christmas and Mother’s Day each year.  Each of these is truly a blessing from the Lord!

Lessons learned aren't only for the missionary.  For instance, I learned something from these calls.  I've thought about how much I love my boy, how bad I want to hear his voice, his thoughts, what’s happening etc.  I realized it’s much the way our Father must feel about us.  I've become much more aware of my prayers.  He too, looks forward to hearing from us.  When I’m half asleep and falling into bed, I try to remember how much I want to hear from my son and realize my Heavenly Father loves me even more than that and wants to hear from me too.  The lessons I've learned and the insights I've gained are invaluable.

Each of these blessings has brought joy.  I don’t know a better way to say it.  I’m happy, content, elated, satisfied, at peace, hopeful, and the list goes on.  I had a taste of these feelings before I “lent my son to the Lord”, and they grow more dominant each day.  I am grateful to a Heavenly Father and his perfect son who are not just willing but desirous to grant us blessings and peace and joy.  I’m also grateful for a son that has given all for two years to honor them.  Oh how blessed I am.   “My heart rejoiceth in the Lord...I rejoice in thy salvation!”

Trials and Obstacle Courses

Tonight, The Lion was hiking across the house while carrying a pile of clothes.  He would bring them to Doug, then back to me and over and over again.  Every once in a while I would hand him one more thing to see how he managed.  It is quite entertaining to see his wheels working.  Another favorite way to do this, is to hand him milk and a graham cracker when he has a pacifier and see which things he decides to set down or how he tries to balance everything.  With LJ, we would set up obstacle courses.  (Here is the video version.)

Tonight, I started wondering if some of the things we face in life are similar.  You have to admit that life is like a box of an obstacle course.  (I am not saying that Heavenly Father gives us trials and obstacles for his own entertainment.)  I do not do these "experiments" on the boys with the intent to make them frustrated or to feel like they are failures; frequently, I just want to see how the wheels are turning and what they will do.  And, of course, if it becomes necessary, I will help them find a solution.

There are times that I have been asked to carry one more thing and I've had to re-prioritize my prior obligations.  And there are definitely times that I have had something that I wanted metaphorically trapped and I've needed to figure out how to get it out.  However, I think I could definitely be better at remembering to reach out to a loving parent who is always at the ready.  Frequently, I go through the frustrated failure stage before it dawns on me, "Hey...pray about it and see."  Just this week, it dawned on me to pray about something that I have been striving to intellectually and logically trying to figure out for months.  (I still haven't seen the end of this dilemma and have been wasting a lot of time and energy analyzing every single option I can find.)  It was even an "instant answer" prayer with the answer of, "It will all work out.  Hang in there.  I know what is best.  Don't worry about it further."

Maybe I need to continue with our obstacle courses and such so that the boys will have a better understanding of how to work through and how they can rely on me to help them if needed.

Be Still

Growing up, my pastor's favorite scripture was Psalm 46:10, which includes, "Be still and know that I am God."  There are very few still moments in our home.  One stillness that I love that is almost guaranteed is that The Lion will just cuddle up tight in the rocking chair with me before naps and bedtime.  I often stay there way too long, holding my little man and cherishing the quiet moments to just think.  Frequently, I have more spiritual thoughts during those times, thinking of the eternal nature of the family and wondering how in the world I have enough room in my heart for these amazing boys.  (And, let's be honest, sometimes I am thinking about what I want as my "finally got them in bed" snack.)

Today, I thought about it from the other perspective.  I considered the idea that one of the reasons I cherish those still moments is because it allows me to just love that little boy while he is still and knows that I am his mom.  In some ways, I thought to interpret the scripture as to say, "Be still and know that I love you and will do all I can for your happiness."  As a mom, how much I wish for the chance to just hold those boys tight and let them know of my love for them and my desire for their success.  With that in mind, I consider how much I must strive to be better about being still so that my Heavenly Father can help me to remember that He is God.

I am grateful for those still moments and for the wonderful boys I get to cherish during the quiet time.  I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who, when I do my part, will reassure me of His hand in my life and His devotion to my happiness.

Never Alone

The Lion has been quite the little cuddler lately.  (And I love it!)  Before naps and bedtime, he'll just nuzzle under my chin and wrap one arm around me, (making sure the other hand is available to hold his pacifier), and rock in the rocking chair with me.  It is easy for me to just sit there for a while and hold him, remembering how fast the time of a cuddly boy disappeared with LJ.  It provides a wonderful opportunity to just think. In such a peaceful setting and while feeling so much love for the little guy in my arms, it is hard to think about laundry.  My thoughts usually evolve into some sort of prayer.  The other day, I recalled a letter that I wrote to LJ when he was little(r).  The feelings expressed still hold true and so I thought I would share it here as well.  If you want context, it comes right after this part of the letter.

Dear LJ (and Lion),

There is a song called “Never Alone” by Lady Antebellum and Jim Brickman that reminds me of you.  The lyrics are as follows:

May the angels protect you, trouble neglect you, and heaven accept you when it’s time to go home.  May you always have plenty, your glass never empty.  Know in your belly, you’re never alone.  May your tears come from laughing, you find friends worth having, with every year passing, they mean more than gold.  May you win and stay humble, smile more than grumble, and know when you stumble, you’re never alone.  Never alone…I’ll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown.  Wherever you fly, this isn’t goodbye.  My love will follow you, stay with you…you’re never alone.  Well, I have to be honest, as much as I want it, I’m not going to promise that cold winds won’t blow.  So when hard times have found you, and your fears surround you, wrap my love around you.  You’re never alone.

Here is the video if you prefer

The majority of your life, you will probably have the thought of "Oh, Mom!" but maybe someday you will get it or maybe someday you will need it.  

It is the last part that gets me choked up every time.  I just would prefer you did not have to have any adversity.  You are getting closer and closer to crawling and/or walking and I know that will lead to lots of bumps and bruises and probably some cuts and scrapes.  Ugh!  I have to keep reminding myself that all kids get those things and they get over it and are fine.  It has caused me to think a lot about Heavenly Father’s perspective.  I am sure that He is just as protective of us but also knows the importance of agency (and the inevitable associated pain and difficulty at some point in life).  Please know that “when the cold winds blow” that you can always count on me loving you and cheering you on.  I will do all that I can to help buffer those storms but also allow you to feel them and learn from them.  

Using that same metaphor I saw a quote the other day that stated “Instead of telling God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big God is.”  Remember that He can provide strength and comfort during hard times.  Remember that Christ, through His suffering in Gethsamane, not only makes up for our sins but understands our trials and “bad days”.  The atonement is there to give you courage and reassurance when you are faced with doing something that may be a painful or difficult but yet something you know that you need to do.

Alright, sweetheart, you will probably be waking up from your nap soon so I should sign off.  Know that I just love you so much.  I love you so much that when I get a bit of a break from you, (i.e. you’re asleep), I frequently look at pictures and videos of you…I just can’t get enough of you.  I love the feel of your head under my chin or on my cheek.  I love holding you tight.  I love how you are so willing to give of your smiles and how those smiles reach your eyes.  I love how you look around and it seems you see the angels that are sent to guard you.  I love that you have taught me so much about the Plan of Salvation within the short 5 months you have been here.  Thank you for being such a wonderful kid!

Introductions

Doug and LJ are out shoveling driveways in the neighborhood.  I happened to glance out and couldn't help but smile as Doug and our neighbor, Mr. Gene, were watching LJ stomping in the snow.  LJ frequently wants to go visit our neighbors with Dad.  It is sweet to see the pride in Doug's eyes whenever he is with LJ.

It reminded me of a talk at Stake Conference a few years ago.  In it, the speaker discussed how Heavenly Father introduces his son.  He has so much respect and love in his description of "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."  Could that be an example to us of how to introduce our children?  Usually I want to say, "This is John.  He's 3 and all that entails."  Instead, maybe I should try something like, "This is my son, John.  I think he is a great boy and I'm glad you got to meet him."  I think that even just the "my son" part adds enough to give the kid a little boost of warm fuzzies, don't you think?

A Heavenward Wish List

For awhile we used, (and sometimes still do), delicious Cliff Kids fruit ropes or, as LJ calls them, "blue snacks", to motivate him to get into his car seat.  A few weeks ago, I was really wanting to give him the snack because I knew it would make him happy.  It got me thinking to how Heavenly Father really wants to bless us but there are some prerequisites.  And, just like I want LJ to accomplish the prerequisites for a blue snack, Heavenly Father wants us to complete the prerequisites he has given us.

 

One of our amazing Bishops really drove this home for us during our tithing settlement meeting.  He talked about the blessings of paying tithing and read the usual scripture from Malachi.  He then asked us, "So...what blessing do you want?"  It was a very foreign concept to come up with a "wish list" of blessings.  We decided on something and our Bishop asked if we could kneel in prayer with him while he asked for us to receive that blessing as we diligently and faithfully paid our tithing over the coming year.  He explained that as we express our righteous desires to our Heavenly Father and tell him the things we are willing to do to receive his guidance, that we should expect to receive those blessings as long as they are according to the will of the Lord.  In this instance, the very specific blessing was realized within a couple of months and now, looking back, I can see how it later was realized in an even more magnificent way than I had imagined.

 

In regards to knowing if our requested blessing is in line with the will of the Lord, LJ and I had a related parenting moment.  The other day, he came downstairs in the morning and asked to have a popsicle for breakfast.  I don't entirely remember what I said, but I know that I thought, "No way, dude!  That is a ridiculous request!"  It got me wondering how many times I prayed for something or another and Heavenly Father thought, "No way, dude!  That is a ridiculous request!"  I'd like to think that I've gotten better at not making such requests.  Part of that is that I've grown up and have finally realized that my plan is usually not the best plan and that the easy road is usually not the one I need to take in order to become the person I need to be.  The other part is that I've learned to request help in knowing what to request.  If we are prayerful in deciding what blessings would be helpful, then we can move forward with confidence that they will be in line with the will of the Lord.  And, we can expect to receive those blessings as we diligently work towards them.

If you are interested in a more in depth look at this concept, I would strongly suggest the book "Drawing on the Powers of Heaven" by Grant Von Harrison.

"Just One"

Last Sunday, Doug came to meet me in the Primary room after church.  Right as he walked in, he asked if LJ was with me.  He was not with me and the panic hit instantly.  I have often joked that if I was a super-hero, I'd be "Worst-Case Scenario Girl" but I had no idea how fast my superpower could work until just that moment when I thought of all of the horrible things that could happen to my little boy.  He could get outside and get hit by a car, he could fall in an irrigation ditch, or countless other things.  Doug handed me The Lion and ran back into the busy hallway to look for LJ.  Without any hesitation my heart offered up a prayer that my boy would remain safe and that I would know where to go to find him.  I considered going outside so that if he did happen to be in the parking lot, I could get to him quickly.  Since I did not have my phone, however, I felt a bit paralyzed because I had no way of letting Doug know that I was heading outside.  During my moment of hesitation, LJ came charging into the room with tears streaming down his cheeks.  (I hate that he was sad but I hope he gave himself a good scare.)  I knelt down and he gave me a big hug.  I am not sure if it was just by chance that he came into the room or if someone spotted him and brought him to me.  I sent a friend out to find Doug and let him know we were all together. 

I am sure that all parents understand the relief that flowed over me when I first spotted LJ after he was missing.  I thought of how relieved our Heavenly Father is when we choose to come back to him.  It also made me think of the parable of the lost sheep.  Previously, I have thought, would a shepherd really leave his 99 other sheep in order to seek out just one.  Is just one that valuable?  Thankfully, we don't need to have 100 children in order to gain a greater understanding of the value of "just one".  With his omniscience, I am sure that Heavenly Father doesn't freak out like I did when LJ disappeared, but I am certain that his gratitude is the similar to mine when I saw him walk through the door.

It reminds me of a story related to me while helping Connie Jean type her personal history.  When she was younger, she had been a young women's leader for a prominent church leader's daughter.  A few years later, Connie Jean and her husband had moved to Kanab, UT.  (For those unaware, Kanab is a very rural area.)  One day, the church leader and his family knocked on the door.  They had been in the area and the daughter wanted to visit Connie Jean.  Upon answering the door, Connie Jean said to the church leader, "How did you find me?  I didn't think the Lord could even knew where I was!"  He looked right into her eyes and said, "Connie Jean, the Lord always knows exactly where you are."  (He let that sink in and then, with his typical humor, he added that he had asked at the gas station where Connie Jean lived.)

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who is so aware, not only of where I am, but also of what I am going through emotionally, spiritually and physically.  I am grateful that his hand is "stretched out" constantly for me to receive aid in bearing my burdens.  I am grateful for that bit of understanding coming to me this week.  (And here's hoping that I got the lesson down now so LJ needn't ever run off again.)  I am grateful for the calm in the moment provided by the spirit and for LJ returning safely back.